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Friday, November 2nd, 2007
Taoism: Shit happens.
Confusianism: Confusius say: “Shit happens”.
Buddhism: If shit happens, it is not really shit.
Zen: What is the sound of shit happening?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Islam: If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Protestantism: Let the shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism: If shit happens, you deserve it.
Judism: Why does shit always happen to us?
Mysticism: Just experience shit happening.
Ascetism: If shit happens, renounce it.
Agnosticism: Nobody knows why shit happens.
Gnosticism: I know why shit happens but will not tell you.
Atheism: Shit just happens and that is all there is to it.
Cartesianism: Shit happens to me, therefore it exists.
Platonism: There is ideal shit happening somewhere.
Stoicism: I do not care if shit happens.
Epicureanism: Let us party while shit does not happen.
Cynicism: Of course shit happens.
Occultism: Shit materializes from other planets of existence.
Terrorism: Shit will happen unless you do as I say.
Puritanism: S*** can happen all day as long as you do not call it that.
Behaviourism: You are conditioned to having shit happen.
Freudianism: If shit happens, it is your mother’s fault.
Parapsychology: Shit happens without material causes.
Surrealism: Purple shit happens near melting clocks.
Cubism: If shit happens, you will not recognize it.
Optimism: If shit happens, we will find a way to use it.
Pessimism: If shit happens, there will not be enough for everybody.
Tabloid sensationalism: Green shit from mars happens to Elvis clone.
Biblical creationism: Shit happens because God created it.
Scientific reductionism: Shit happens because it evolved from primitive shit.
Scientific obscurantism: Amorphous excrement does occur in given cases.
Bureaucracy: I do not care if shit happens as long as you fill out the forms.
Feminism: Women demand to have shit happen.
Ecology: If organic shit happens, it is ok.
Capitalism: Let us profit from shit happening.
Socialism: If shit happens, let us distribute it equally.
Patriotism: Our shit is better than your shit.
Conservatism: They do not make even shit happen like they used to.
Liberalism: Shit should not happen tomorrow.
Classical physics: Shit does not “happen”, it just moves around.
Quantum physics: 1. Shit happens but you can not say both where and when. 
2. Shit happens in discrete quanta called shitons.
Holistic physics: If shit happens, it happens everywhere at once.
Microcomputing: If shit happens, we will fix it in the next version.
Applied mathematics: The probability of shit happening approaches unity.
Engineering: When shit happens, paint over.
Medicine: If shit happens, take two aspirin and call me in the morning.
Economics: Shit happens because there is a great demand for it.
Politics: If shit happens, make a deal with it.
Diplomacy: Let us pretend shit does not happen.